Peace

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” -John 14:27

The last two nights I went to sleep with the most incredible peace inside of me and slept four hours straight.

You are probably saying to yourself, “So what? What’s the big deal?” Well, it is a big deal at least for me. To sleep for four hours straight without waking up is incredible and after a day of remember 9/11 it is even more incredible.

I thought about this peace last night as I was writing in my journal before going to sleep and wondered if I have finally arrived at the peace I have so wanted in my life? Of course, it has only been two nights in a row that I have noticed this incredible peace when I went to bed. Granted, I have contentment every night, but contentment is not the same a peace. I would have thought they were closely related, but not so. The peace I have been experiencing lately is the peace that Jesus spoke about in John 14:27.

This peace is not new. I have been experiencing it throughout the day for some time, but not to the extent as the last two nights. When I have been upset or worried I used to sit on my bed or on the coach with my legs crossed underneath me, close my eyes and let the peace of Jesus come into my body. I would remain that way until I calmed down then got up and continued what I was doing, never keeping that peace for very long. But the worry or anger or whatever I was experiencing before was at bay.

I think most of us go through life wishing we were a better person. Sometimes we say something that we wish we could take back and tell ourselves that we wish we could just keep our mouths shut. Or a pleasant thought about someone comes into our mind and we think we should tell that person but instead we just go on with our day, later regretting we didn’t tell them. Or sometimes we blow up about a situation only later to discover that we misunderstood it and now we look silly because we overreacted. And the list goes on.

Most often we want to be that better person because of the pain that we experience each time and sometimes we want to be a better person just because we want to please others. It depends on the day we are having.

This peace I have been experiencing lately is quite unique and I don’t want to let it go. I feel that I’m so close to getting a wish or a prayer answered. I have wanted peace so much as well as contentment. Don’t we all?

And what’s amazing is that all it took was to do what we’ve all been told throughout our lives; love. I never realized that love was the answer. The Bible speaks of love many times. Matthew 22:36-40 “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.... And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. These are the greatest commandments." They both are about love.

For me, the first one was easy. I have loved God since I was four years old, but the love of Jesus came a little later, but they are one and the same. The second commandment was the hardest. In fact, I thought the second one was impossible.

First I had to love myself. Granted I like myself especially since I have to live with myself 24/7, but love myself how could I? I was always messing up. I was constantly beating myself up for not being perfect. How could I love myself until I got things right? Loving my neighbor was much easier since I like all people, except. There was the problem. Except. I loved myself except when I messed up and I loved my neighbor until he/she messed up, then love went right out the door.

So how can I do this I thought? Then one day I made a decision. I would love everyone, including me period. No exceptions. Then I started putting it into practice. I had already decided to love BH unconditionally and I was doing a pretty good job of it, at least visibly, but every once in a while in my mind it would slip but I could quickly come back to loving him unconditionally.

If I can love one person unconditionally couldn’t I love everyone that way too? Yes, of course I could love everyone unconditionally, but… myself. There was another word that should never be in our vocabulary; but. No I decided. There can be no exceptions. I must love everyone unconditionally including myself.

If I can accomplish this impossible task then other things in my life I could change also. Like worry, resentment, jealousy, envy, kindness, as well as others. Once I had love accomplished many of these would just disappear.

Jesus also said in 1 Corinthians 13 “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

There was another truth from Jesus. Love has to be the answer, or at least the beginning.

So I started putting it into action. I just loved everyone, no matter what they did or said. If they said something that hurt my feelings I loved them. If they said something that hurt someone else, I loved them. If I heard about someone who did something horrible, I loved them. Now all of these were really hard. But I kept going. I heard from a religious leader on TV who made the comment that Jesus loves the sinner. God loves his creation. What he has created is good. I looked around and thought well, most of it is good, but then realized it was man who had changed what was good to bad.

Okay, I thought I can love everyone, except their behavior. As long I can separate the person from the behavior then I was good. Isn’t that what Jesus has done? He loves us all, but he may not be pleased with our behavior, but still he loves us unconditionally. I could do that. After all, at one time that person was probably good but something happened in his/her life to change that. We don’t just become evil unless we are allowed to become that from our surroundings, or upbringing, or lack of upbringing.

So I started putting it into practice. If I went to the store and someone pushed me out of the way to get in line, or grab the package of chicken I had been contemplating on buying I was not angry and just waited my turn or picked something else out. If someone said something that I took offensively, I ignored it and made excuses in my mind. I must say, this one has been hard, but then they all have been hard.

I heard about a shooting where innocent lives were lost and instead of getting so angry about the event and hating those people, I just loved those people. More so out of pity. I had pity that they didn’t experience love in their lives which most likely caused them to commit that horrible crime. Were they rejected? Whatever it was they didn’t experience love, either as a recipient or as a giver. I hated what they did, it was evil and evil should never be tolerated. We will never fully understand why some people do what they do. By me being angry with them would not change the situation, but it could hurt me and those around me. If I let it anger me I could easily turn that anger towards someone else who didn't deserve it. All anger that we harbor will hurt someone else, most likely an innocent victim. We need to be so careful about situations that are evil that we don't hurt someone else in the process. We need to direct that anger towards a positive result.

The more I contemplated this whole love aspect I realized that was the answer to all of the world’s problems; love. If you followed all of the problems it came back to love. Not being naïve, but actually loving people. It starts with love.

So now that I have love in my heart for all people, I have the peace that I have so longed for. My life is so different and those around me are happier. I pray that I can continue this, but realize that it has to become a way of life. I need to practice it every day until it becomes a habit that can’t be easily broken.

I’m still going to make mistakes with regret, but I will not hate myself for it any longer. I am tired of beating myself up. I will no longer be a victim of my mind.

It is surprising how many people are friendly with you just because you walk around with a smile on your face. People just can help themselves, which also brings a smile to yours as well.

I will still have problems like everyone else, but they won’t seem as difficult. The peace I have in my heart will help me deal more calmly with the trials of life, making them so much easier to deal with.

Will this love for everyone and the peace I have cause me to have fewer problems? Of course, it will. Many of my problems are of my own doing, because I didn’t love. But I’m realistic and know that everyone isn’t where I am in life, so my love for them will make it easier on them, and hopeful on the next person they run into.

If you think I’m crazy so be it. I will still love you. Isn’t that what we all want in life, to be loved, respected, accepted and treated kindly? If that is the case, then it needs to start with me.