In Memoriam of Nate Westen

Last night I witnessed the senseless, tragic death of Nate Westen. He was shot by a sniper in front of Michael, his brother, the other love of my life. It was horrible, such a waste of a precious soul, much too young to leave this world.

I met my dear friend Nate over five years ago through Michael and have come to love him like my own brother. Through the years I have watched him grow and mature, becoming a great husband, father, son and brother, loved by all.

He tried many business ventures, each of them failing until he bought his own limo, with the help from his mother. Eventually, the business became successful both in Las Vegas and Atlantic City. He was also a successful gambler, at least some of the time. who was trying to reform just before his death.

He was a dear kind soul who would drop everything to aid a friend.

First there was Bill Reese, an old school friend, whose daughter, Jenna, had been unwittingly lured into a sex-trafficking scheme by the Wilhelm brothers. Nate worked alongside his brother to successfully return Jenna to her father before being lost forever overseas.

Next there was Jake Miller, who had become unknowingly involved with ex-Mossad arm dealers, by taking bribes to overlook some dodgy import/export transactions. Jake had second thoughts and tried to turn down the latest bribe only to have his, his wife and unborn child's life threatened. With the help of his brother, Nate was able to send the Zamar's fleeing the country.

Nate also helped Michael get away from the scene of a homicide that happened as Michael was speaking with Phillip Cowan, who he thought was responsible for his CIA "burn notice." Nate rushed to the scene to pick up Michael. As Nate was about to drop him off, Michael received a phone call from Fi, at the time his on and off again girlfriend. She and Sam Axe were is great danger. Nate sacrificed his truck to save Fi, Michael and himself from some dangerous drug dealers. He also provided a safe place for his mom, Michael, and Fi while an international conspiracy organization was looking for Michael. Nate was able to pick up Madeline, his mom, who was at home and bring her to the safe-house without detection. Later he was able to get himself and his mom away from the area and out of town.

Then there was Katya, another dear friend of Nate. Her sister, Elena was being held by the Russian mob who were requesting $50,000.00 dollars for her release. Elena had been smuggled into the United States and now the mob wanted to be paid, otherwise she was going to be sold. Nate helped his brother by poising as a guard. They had earlier kidnapped Ivan who knew the whereabouts of Elena and Michael had joined him as a fellow captive. Now Michael needed to escape with Ivan to reach the girls. To do so, Michael needed to stage a fight with Nate so he and Ivan could escape undetected. Nate preformed his role spotless. As a result Elena was reunited with her sister.

Nate again came to the aid of his brother by using his newly purchased limo and poising as a bodyguard observing a girl Michael was chauffeuring to try to make Lesher think twice about kidnapping her.

I remember the time when Nate was deceived into flying from Las Vegas to Miami to meet with a potential investor in his limo service. He was being used by Tyler Brennen to force Michael into stealing integral pieces that were necessary to break into a lab containing a weapon. Brennen had brought in the Butcher just to entertain or even kill Nate, if necessary. Michael was getting bold and refusing to help Brennen unless he received information, so Brennen had the Butcher bring Nate to the scene while Michael was overtaking the security guards. Michael returned to refuse helping only to find his brother. Brennen shot Nate in the arm to prove that he was serious and would kill Nate if Michael didn't do his bidding. Both Westen brothers survived the incident.

After Nate married Ruth they drove from Las Vegas to Miami so Ruth could meet his mom. They were technically on their honeymoon. Unfortunately for Nate, Michael was dealing with Dead Larry who was back in town. Nate had to watch over his mom for Michael while he handled the situation which almost ended in an annulment for him and Ruth. Nate decided that his mom should move to Las Vegas for safety and to be close the her future grandchildren. Instead, Madeline decided to stay in Miami near Michael, Fi and Sam.

Nate received a phone call in Las Vegas from one of the Taylor brothers who were in trouble. The Taylor brothers had some cars stolen from their shop and needed them back. After Nate arrived in Miami, he and Michael discovered that one of the cars had contained drugs that Caleb needed back. With the help from Michael, Nate was able to get the Taylor's out of trouble. Nate needed the revenue from the job because he and Ruth were expecting their first child.

After Charlie was born, he and Ruth moved back to Miami. Unfortunately, Nate had started gambling again and wanted to get away from the temptation of Las Vegas. He needed the support of Michael and his mother. He loved Ruth and his son so much he didn't want to lose them.

Jessica, another friend of Nate's was in trouble. Her father had recently died and Jessica owed a loan shark some money who was threatening her and wanted the boat her father had left her. Nate, with the help of his brother, was able to get the head of the loan shark organization arrested. freeing Jessica from his grips.

Several weeks ago, Nate announced that Ruth had taken the baby and moved back to Las Vegas. Sadly, Ruth wanted out of their marriage so Nate was staying at his mother's house.

Michael felt bad for his brother, but he was dealing with terrible problems of his own. He needed Nate's help since Fi, Michael's girlfriend, was in prison on false charges. Agent Pearce's fiance had been killed a couple years back, and his killer, Ahmad Damour, was in town and Pearce wanted his hide. Ahmad has been feeding the CIA valuable information, so the CIA wouldn't arrested him. It was now up to Michael, Nate and the rest of the team to steal that information. Without it, Ahmad had no protection. Nate, Sam and Madeline keep their eyes on Ahmad's son, Sharif, while Michael, Jesse and Pearce dealt with Ahmad. Nate made it possible for Sam to get the drive containing the information Pearce needed, saving the day.

Michael needed to capture Anson, who had framed Fi, so that she could be released from prison. But to find Anson's whereabouts he had to help Rebecca save her brother, Trent. Anson had given Wes false information and he was tracking Trent down. Michael needed more background information about Wes' father who had recently died in prison. Nate and Jesse traveled to Tampa to find a fellow prisoner who could supply the information they needed. While in Tampa, Nate learned valuable cattle prod safety rules. The information Nate acquired was instrumental in getting his brother in with Wes ultimately sending Wes in a different direction off the trail of Trent. Rebecca then supplied Michael with Anson's location.

Finally, this week, the team knew where Anson would be last night. Nate traveled with Jesse, Michael and Pearce to Atlantic City, since Nate was familiar with the city. Nate tried very hard to help his brother get Anson, but Michael wasn't happy with his tactics. Discouraged, Nate went to one of the casinos, near the airport waiting for a plane to get home.

Anson was hiding out in Tides Cafe not far from the airport. Once Michael found where Anson was hiding it would take him 20 minutes to get there. He called Nate to go to the Cafe and just observe Anson until they arrived, but not to approach since Anson was most likely armed.
 
Nate saw Anson walking and took him by surprise, knocking him to the ground. He grabbed Anson's gun from his waist and escorted him outside at gunpoint waiting for the CIA to arrive. Anson assured Nate he would be out within a week since he knew where the bodies were.

Just as Michael approached Anson, both Nate and Anson were shot. Anson died immediately, but Nate held on long enough for Michael to reach him and hold his brother's head as he lay dying.

So this is for you, dear friend, may you always remain in our hearts and rest in peace. Farewell, until we meet gain.



Nathanial (Nate) Elias Westen born March 3, 1970 to Madeline and the late Frank Westen; tragically died July 27, 2012. He is survived by wife, Ruth; son, Charlie of Las Vegas, NV; his mother, Madeline; brother, Michael of Miami, FL; Funeral services, Thursday, August 2, 2012 at 9pm EST. Visiting hours Friday July 27, 2012 11:00pm, Saturday July 28, 2012 10:00am and August 2, 2012 3:00pm. USA Network will televise viewing and service.

Be the Blessing

Last week I was working hard to finish the latest issue of WWMWD — Tips I Learned from a Spy, How to Get Out from "Under the Gun" so I would be ready to start this week's issue that involved the great killing of one of the long time cast members. I was wrapping up Part III of a four part issue. It was about Fi's time in prison dealing with a contract hit on her life. I was struggling with the edits.

This was only the second issue. The first issue How to Obtain "Hot Property" contained three parts. I had difficulty proofing Part II. Each time I came to this one line I would start crying. I am very emotionally involved with the series so the line was very personal to me. Now I was on Part III of the current issue and there were three sections that were causing me to cry. Each time I would make a pass through proofing the article the emotions became stronger.

After reading it through a couple of times I twitted about my difficulty and mentioned that I needed a hug. On the next reading I was still crying so decided to call BH. If I couldn't get a hug from BH at least maybe his voice would calm me down.

I don't like to call him at work, so rarely do so. In my opinion it doesn't look good for the boss or even an employee to be on the phone over something so trivial with his wife, besides I give him enough to talk about as it is.

So I wouldn't disturb him if he was with a client or in a meeting, I didn't call his cell, instead I called the office and got his secretary. I asked if he was available and she put me right through to him. And of course he was alarmed that something was wrong so I took advantage of the moment and told him about Fi, starting to cry all over again.

Fi was tired, she was scared, she wasn't eating well and someone was trying to kill her. He assured me she would be okay and it would work out. She and Michael would be together again. I could tell that he was chuckling under his breathe about his crazy wife and her Burn Notice.

Good news, he was closing the office early that afternoon, sending everyone home to enjoy the summer afternoon and get an early start on the weekend. He would be home shortly to give me my much needed hug.

Yesterday, I decided I would take my BH out to lunch, we hadn't done that for a while. I arrived a little early so I could say hi to everyone and deliver a big dish of homemade chocolate chip cookies.

I ran into Jim on my way to BH's office. Jim had invited us for dinner next weekend and I asked if he was sure we couldn't bring something. I told him we were looking forward to spending some time with him, his wife and family. He had his tablet in his hand, and said "Oh good, seeing you has reminded me I need to put something in my calendar." I was a little puzzled, but that's nothing new. He went on to say that he had to put a note to remind himself to put away their black fan before I came over. He didn't want a perfectly good fan to end up in the trash like ours did.

"Oh, you heard about that?" (If you are unfamiliar with this topic see "Three Words I Hate.) I looked at him oddly and wondered if he had heard about the Fi incident, but he didn't say anything more than to give me a wink and good bye as he made his way to his office.

I had been planning on telling BH about the spider, see (The Great Spider Incident of 2012), but thought maybe I should wait until he got home. Maybe by the next day he would forget about it and not tell everyone in the office.

I continued my way to his office, stopping to say hi to everyone and giving them cookies. His secretary greeted me and asked how I was and what was new. The spider incident immediately came to mind. Since it was close to lunch time, I thought maybe the subject might be inappropriate. So I told her, "Why spoil it for BH. I'm sure he keeps you informed." She nodded in agreement with a smile.

I hesitated for a moment, then asked her, "Did you hear about the black fan?" She nodded again and said, "Oh, yea. We heard about it."

This aroused my curiosity. "In a good way, or bad way. Is he mad about it?" Then, I quickly added before she had a chance to answer, "Never mind. Maybe I don't want to know." She answered anyway in a whisper, "I don't think he could ever be mad at you. He loves you so much." I smiled, and said, "Thank you, you've made my day."

I was reminded of a saying at the bottom of my friend's web site "To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world."

You know, it's the little things that we say to one another that makes all the difference. Our words can either be a blessing or a curse. I'm glad she decided to be the blessing.

The Great Spider Incident of 2012

Today started out the usual. I got up, had my typical morning with God, said good morning to my friends on twitter, then started working. When it was time I made coffee, and breakfast for BH and sent him on his way.

I needed to use the restroom. That's when things changed.

With a smile on my face, I ventured into the room without turning on the light, still in la-la-land thinking about the wonderful time this morning with BH. I lifted the lid and something caught the corner of my eye. What is that in the sink?

So I flipped on the light and there it was. This huge, gigantic, enormous, humongous spider, you know, about the size of a nickle. It had at least 20 legs of various sizes. I thought they only had 8? Why did this one have so many?

I quickly grabbed a tissue, and it saw me. It tried to escape the clutches of the tissue by running around the bowl, each time escaping capture.

Using my advantage and hovering over it, watching it's every move, I quickly changed tactics. Now I tried to stab it with the tissue, continuing to miss it. I started to panic, what if it escaped? They have in the past, but then I remembered it was huge and they are much easier to catch than those jumping kind, you know the ones you never can catch.

Finally, I got it, so I quickly squeezed the tissue so it couldn't escape. Then I heard that horrible, dreadful sound...the crunch and my heart sank. It was dead.

Reality immediately returned. I needed to quickly dispose of the evidence. So I threw it into the awaiting toilet bowl, quickly closed the lid and flushed.

A sigh of relief...until I remembered why I was in there. Was it dead? Did it go down? I slowly lifted the lid and contemplated what to do. I really had to go.

So I quickly said a prayer hoping that I wouldn't feel anything crawling down there. After I finished, I stood and watched as it flushed, looking for any spider remains, and lifted the seat examining the bowl to see if it was there. It wasn't. If it lived, could it crawl back up?

The adrenaline was really going by now, much more than after my daily exercise routine. I thought my heart would leap out of my chest.

Then I recalled all of the legs. I needed to tell BH about this. Then I realized he might not believe me. Why didn't I take a photo for proof? I could have zoomed in, counted the legs and measured the body. Oh, that's right, it could have escaped in the process.

Further investigation was needed. Internet here I come. Using Google I searched for types of spiders, might as well know what kind of spider it was, too.

I found a web site that had a list of all of them, I really thought the list would have been longer. I know I've seen more varieties than that site listed. To see a picture or description I had to click on each link, so I decided to go back and clicked on the link for images of types of spiders instead.

I examined several rows of spiders and they all had 8 legs. It was so disgusting that I couldn't continue. Now I needed to concentration on something else to get those images out of my mind.

So I left and took a short drive in the country taking some pictures. Returned home, downloaded them and developed a few.

After some time, I ventured back in to clean the sink, toilet and tub to get rid of any trace of the spider. When I got to the tub, there was a baby spider crawling on the edge.

Had I killed its mother? I quickly grabbed another tissue and sent the orphan to be with its mother. Could there be more? Raid! I needed Raid.

Into the pantry I ran. Grabbed the can, then ran back and sprayed the bathroom, choking as the fumes entered my nostrils. Mass execution. Funeral immediately after. Orphans reunited with their mother.

A thought came over me, was I playing God. Of course not, God doesn't kill. Only Satan does. John 10:10 "The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill and to destroy; I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly."

Was I acting like Satan? Then I remembered Flip Wilson and thought "the devil made me do it." Aw, no he can't do that either. We have free will and power over him.

Was I evil? At that point I really didn't care. The spider and her family were history and hopefully reunited. I will repent for now at least...but would do it again in a heartbeat. Please God, forgive me for my evil ways.

Isn't it funny how our mind works? Or is it just me?

Shucks, now I have the clean the bathroom all over again.

Why is Change so Difficult?

Recently, or at least fairly recently, ok a few years ago, our garbage service switched to the larger trash receptors to eliminate the need to handle them by an individual, apparently reducing costs for the company. They were kind enough to give us one.

Now, what do we do with the old ones?  We had recently replaced our old cans with ones that had wheels.  So we decided to use them for yard waste. In our state it’s illegal to put yard waste in landfills.  So we threw out the old yard waste cans. I wonder how many landfills it took to hold old trash cans in the United States for the switch to these new ones?

This new trash container was so large it didn’t fit in the garage where the old cans went and we would have to remove a car to get it out.  It's against the rules in our neighborhood to have garbage cans in view from the street.

We all hate change. Granted it is a part of our lives, and change normally is a good thing but this change I was having a problem with. I was very comfortable with the old system, even though it occasionally required multiple garbage cans and multiple trips to the curb.

Now we needed to find another location. A simple solution was to put it on the patio near the sliding door. The little step provided a nice lift for me to get the garbage in the can (you need to be 6 feet tall to comfortably put garbage in these larger cans, which I’m not.)

And there was a sidewalk leading to the curb. Perfect, except when you are sitting outside you are with the garbage.

Recently I decided I didn’t want it on the patio during the summer when we do a lot of entertaining outside. I must say, having the trash can on the patio makes cleanup a lot easier.

Ok, now where to put it in the summer? There’s a nice spot out back on the other side of the house, out of view from the street. During the summer we can wheel it on the grass to the curb and it fits nicely between shrubs out of view.

It’s not bad taking the hike to get rid of the garbage, except when it’s raining, or when there’s quite a bit to take out. This week I was lazy and put non-garbage stuff in the garage so today I decided to empty all of the waste baskets and take the stuff from the garage to the can. It was quite a journey which involved multiple trips.

BH used to take care of the garbage. But…occasionally, mind you not very often, he would leave for work and forget to take it to the curb, especially if it was after a holiday when it’s picked up a day late. So being the nice person I am, I suggested that I take on that responsibility.

When I moved the garbage can out back, he kindly reminded me that it was my responsibility to take care of the garbage. He wouldn’t mind helping if the can was closer.

When I was done taking all of the garbage out, and returned home at a lengthy absence, he was laughing at me. “Why didn’t you move the can closer to the house then move it back when you were done?” “Why, and miss out on all that exercise?”, I responded, wondering why I didn’t think of that?

Maybe a nice cozy cover for the garbage can, so it can return back to its home? We have covers for the lawn furniture; I wonder where I can find one for the can?

When a Door Closes

Dear Friends,

If you have read my blog “A Heart In Sorrow” you know that recently I suffered a loss in my life that hit me by surprise.

I have been trying hard to bury it, but occasionally it still surfaces making me want to puke and brings tears to my eyes.

With the help from God and Mama’s word of wisdom I have been going through the 5 stages of loss and grief quickly.

First there was the Denial. Oh, that can’t be…  It’s so wrong… This can’t be happening… But soon reality took over.

Second is Anger. I’m rarely angry, because anger is ugly and unhealthy. Anger is foolish, especially when you have no control over the loss or situation. Anger only hurts you. Anger prevents you from seeing a clear picture of the situation. On further study of this phase I find that pain is also involved. This phase I definitely experienced!  But it is now just a mere hurt, a bruise of sort that is subsiding and healing. Another part of this phase I experienced I would call disappointment instead of anger. Sometimes disappointment is with a situation, a person or even God. I’m still working on my disappoint, but it too has subsided.

Third is Bargaining, a way to regain control. I didn’t bargain but I sure asked for intervention. Thankfully, that phase was quickly dealt with.

Forth is Depression. Don’t you just hate depression? It’s such a downer, but seems to last the longest. Some people never seem to be able to get beyond this stage. It’s easily enough to get through once the mind is set to do so. If stayed at too long, it becomes comfortable, so this stage must also be quickly dealt with. I’m still sad which will probably stay with me for a while, but I will not let it interfere or stop me from enjoying others around me or making them sad too.

Fifth and last is Acceptance. I have accepted the loss and can feel the change deep inside which is a good sign that I’m on the road to recovery.

When a sorrow occurs I don’t always go through these steps in order. I usually reach bargaining way before Anger and a form of Acceptance before Depression. Often I revisit each of these steps. But before we can completely move on we must go through all 5 with Acceptance last.

I have had the wake. I can now cherish my memories fondly many times without tears. I am grateful for that time in my life but still saddened that it has ended and I won’t be able to continue that relationship in the future. I will look back at that time with gratitude since it was so enriching and wonderful.

Recently, God has blessed me with a replacement for the future. God does this if we put our trust in Him.

Seasons come in and out of our life. I am now in a new season that will take some adjustment, but will soon become comfortable.

The old times will become a faded memory. So for now I will embrace the replacement and open my heart once again.

The Perfect Lifemate

I had lunch with a friend the other day and as usual I talked about me and BH. How my love for BH grows with each day we are together.

She’s single and confided in me that she wished she had a BH -- someone to share her life with, someone to have meals with, someone to go places with, someone to plan the future with, someone special.

As I sat there listening to her a thought came to me that I will share with you, too.

I explained to her that she did have a BH. God in his ultimate wisdom has provided us since birth with a BH. Some of us believe God or Jesus lives within us, others believe they only have their conscious. Whatever you believe there's always at least one BH within you.

You and your BH at times are best friends, other times enemies. You get angry, upset, and frustrated with BH. You may even yell, scream or hit your BH. Then other times you love, admire, and respect BH. Your own personal BH is your life partner.

You talk to your BH all day long and if you listen closely enough BH speaks back. BH goes with you wherever you do, you can't go anywhere without BH. You share feelings with BH that you would never share with another living soul. Your BH knows you better than anyone. Your BH understands you, comforts you in times of sorrow, and rejoices in your success and happiness. Your BH shares the same envisions, tastes, and most times likes doing what you’re doing. Your BH guides you along life’s journey. You are one.

Others of us have chosen to add another BH to our lives. As I explained, when we do this we also get his WH (worse half), so now we have two WH's and two BH’s in our life. Now there are four of us that have to get along. We take on added responsibility, work, and problems. It’s hard enough getting along with yourself and now you have to get along with someone you aren’t ever going to completely know or understand.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s wonderful having another BH, especially if you have chosen well. I wouldn’t change that in my life.

Either way just be happy with the BH you have. God has truly blessed you. He has given you the perfect lifemate, YOU.

Doing the Twitter Happy Dance

I love twitter. It’s like talking to the universe. You put words out there and it doesn’t answer you back and you don’t expect it to.

Once in a while, the universe speaks and you get a retweet. And you think wow! I finally said something interesting that someone wants to share!

One day you get a reply or the big one…a TWEET directed at you and you are ecstatic. It knows you exist. You start doing the happy dance in your living room –- if you’ve ever potty trained an 18 month old, you know what the happy dance is.  #lifeisgood

Then one day you get a reply or a tweet in public, outside the privacy of your living room, and do the happy dance. People look at you strangely…they wonder why you are acting weird until you tell them who you just got a tweet from and they understand and celebrate with you!