When a Door Closes

Dear Friends,

If you have read my blog “A Heart In Sorrow” you know that recently I suffered a loss in my life that hit me by surprise.

I have been trying hard to bury it, but occasionally it still surfaces making me want to puke and brings tears to my eyes.

With the help from God and Mama’s word of wisdom I have been going through the 5 stages of loss and grief quickly.

First there was the Denial. Oh, that can’t be…  It’s so wrong… This can’t be happening… But soon reality took over.

Second is Anger. I’m rarely angry, because anger is ugly and unhealthy. Anger is foolish, especially when you have no control over the loss or situation. Anger only hurts you. Anger prevents you from seeing a clear picture of the situation. On further study of this phase I find that pain is also involved. This phase I definitely experienced!  But it is now just a mere hurt, a bruise of sort that is subsiding and healing. Another part of this phase I experienced I would call disappointment instead of anger. Sometimes disappointment is with a situation, a person or even God. I’m still working on my disappoint, but it too has subsided.

Third is Bargaining, a way to regain control. I didn’t bargain but I sure asked for intervention. Thankfully, that phase was quickly dealt with.

Forth is Depression. Don’t you just hate depression? It’s such a downer, but seems to last the longest. Some people never seem to be able to get beyond this stage. It’s easily enough to get through once the mind is set to do so. If stayed at too long, it becomes comfortable, so this stage must also be quickly dealt with. I’m still sad which will probably stay with me for a while, but I will not let it interfere or stop me from enjoying others around me or making them sad too.

Fifth and last is Acceptance. I have accepted the loss and can feel the change deep inside which is a good sign that I’m on the road to recovery.

When a sorrow occurs I don’t always go through these steps in order. I usually reach bargaining way before Anger and a form of Acceptance before Depression. Often I revisit each of these steps. But before we can completely move on we must go through all 5 with Acceptance last.

I have had the wake. I can now cherish my memories fondly many times without tears. I am grateful for that time in my life but still saddened that it has ended and I won’t be able to continue that relationship in the future. I will look back at that time with gratitude since it was so enriching and wonderful.

Recently, God has blessed me with a replacement for the future. God does this if we put our trust in Him.

Seasons come in and out of our life. I am now in a new season that will take some adjustment, but will soon become comfortable.

The old times will become a faded memory. So for now I will embrace the replacement and open my heart once again.