The Turning of a Knob

I love Burn Notice. This is almost an understatement. The show causes me to laugh, cry, and most importantly, think. What a novel idea. Think.

I love to screen cap and document the dialog in each episode which gives me time to focus on each pic and the words spoken. Typing them often allows the words to sink in letting me see something new each time. This is because I often become so distracted looking at Michael, I completely miss the words spoken and what the other characters are doing.

At the end of “Exit Plan”, Fi comes home to a worried Carlos wondering where his girl is. She had been retained in police lockup unknowingly at the request of the C.I.A. and now she was returning to her new home with Carlos having to explain to him her predicament. As the scene unfolds it’s déjà vu all over again as she mimics Michael and Carlos mimics her with the words spoken in reverse circumstances from “Long Way Back” and “Game Change.”

Life has a way of doing that to us. Sometimes we call it karma, or déjà vu. The bible speaks of this very thing that we need to be careful in our thoughts towards other people lest we find ourselves in the same situation.

Sadly, Fi doesn’t seem to recognize her error towards her reactions to Michael earlier in their relationship. But she now knows the truth as to why Michael is helping the C.I.A since she is being force for the very same reason to help them too. It is to save her own neck. She missed an opportunity to grow by holding on to hatred and not recognizing that life had placed her in a similar circumstance making her like the person whom she hated.

Events in life, like this scene, often take me back to a series of events in my life that changed me forever.

When I was in elementary school I became friends with a girl who invited me to my first sleepover other than with family. That sleepover altered my life forever. Unfortunately, I didn’t consult my mom since I thought she might persuade me not to associate with my new friend. As a result I carried hatred in my heart for many years until one day...

You see my friend’s mother had abandoned her family. The kids (6 of them) went off to school and when they came home she was gone never to be heard of again. I couldn’t imagine a mother doing that. It was beyond my comprehension. I hated that woman for doing what she did. She hurt her family. She hurt her children for the rest of their lives while she selfishly went off with a new boyfriend. At least, that’s how I saw it.

At my first fulltime job, I met another woman who became a friend and she shared with me how her mother had abandoned her and her brother in the care of a wicked grandmother since her mom’s new boyfriend hated kids. She chose her boyfriend over her children. Again, my hatred arose for these two women whom I had never met.

Fortunately, the father of my childhood friend was a very loving father. The children weren’t resentful of their mother which I found odd. However, unfortunately, for the second friend and her brother, they were put in an abusive home which destroyed her brother and caused pain for my friend that would last a lifetime removing all trust of people including her own children. Her pain was passed down to her children which likely will be passed down to their children and so on for who knows how many generations.

God has a way of straightening out my wrong thinking just like Satan has a way of taking advantage of my wrong thinking.

A few years later, I was at my wits end after an accumulation of experiences that left me emotionally weak, not knowing what to do and not willing to burden anyone else with my problems.

One day, as I was leaving for work, I closed the front door and an “extremely” strong thought enter my mind. “Run, and don’t turn back.” The desire was so strong to get in my car then leave the state never telling anyone where I was going and starting my life over from scratch leaving all of my problems, my belongings behind me including those who I loved most in this life so that I could have peace once again. No reminders of the past except what was in my mind. If I could have left that behind too, I would have.

Instantly, I found myself at a crossroad of becoming like the women I had hated. And what was more startling was the fact that I entertained the idea of abandoning everything more than once with my hand still on the door knob. My mind had become so weak that Satan could strongly implant an idea in my mind that I could grab hold of, meditate on which could have eventually caused me to act upon it. I can’t even describe how strong that feeling was. It overtook my entire body. It was all I could do to resist the urge. It was a terrifying experience that I will never forget.

Fortunately, my sense of right and wrong were stronger than Satan’s plan. Each time that thought came up that day and the days that followed I fought it off and changed my focus on something different.

I couldn’t hurt my family and those that loved me and that I loved. I would have to endure what life had dealt me. I had to stay and fight rather than run away. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t the end of my problems with many more to come, but as a result I became stronger and today, with God, I can handle anything that life throws at me.

I learned a valuable lesson that day about judging people. I can now relate to people who abandon those who love them the most. I can understand a woman’s desire to leave her life for a new one. However, I know that it is wrong to do so. It is selfish and misguided. If I had gone with those strong desires that day, I would have ruined my life and caused so much pain for others.

Today, when I start judging people I am reminded of that time. I have to separate actions from people. It’s okay to judge the actions of others to prevent us from becoming like them. But it is never right to put that judgment on the person themselves. I was vulnerable that day as they are vulnerable to the wiles of the devil. They are weak in an area, just like I was weak and therefore can be easily persuaded to do a “piece of stupid,” like one of my ministers says.

Life repeats itself in reverse like it did with Fi as it has often done with me, time after time.

Often we give up too soon and fail to grow stronger never experiencing the blessing that lies ahead. If I had followed the urge that day thinking I was running towards peace I would have realized too late that in fact I was running to what would become regret and torment.

My hatred is gone for those two women and replaced with compassion and love. They gave up a lifetime of love from those closest to them for a moment of pleasure. In time they will have to deal with regret for the rest of their lives that can never be reversed. Only when they turn to God will they be able to use His teachings to help them through what they have done. Hopefully, they have. God can mend the broken relationship with their children if they put their entire trust in Him. It won’t be easy, and it will never be like it was at one time, but it can be restored.

I could have never have changed my life around if it weren’t for God's grace. God made all the difference. If God hadn’t been an ever presence in my life, who knows what dark hole I would have walked into. The numerous lessons I’ve learned from that one sleepover and the encounter with two women I’ve never met has made me become a better person. God has a way of taking the bad and changing it around for the good, if only we put our trust in Him with patience.

God never causes anything to happen to teach us a lesson. We do that to ourselves by the choices we make. However, He can take what we and others do to teach and bless us.

Just like Michael and Fi, once we put our pride aside and our selfishness we can restore a relationship or our life. It never will be like it was at one time, but it can be restored if we so choose. The changed and renewed life can in time become better than the old. Not like it was, just better.