The Power of ‘I Love You’

This morning brought a flood of thoughts when I came across this quote ‘Being a family means you are a part of something very wonderful. It means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life. No matter what.’

Too many people have families that cause them anger, bitterness, resentment and so many other feelings.

In the end it is our family who will be there for us, either out of love or just because we are family and they feel obligated.

Today so many of us get upset with our family members some to the point of hating them and it is all because they don’t fit into the mold we have imagined in our mind. And why should they? Who says the way we live is perfect? Most likely we aren’t living up to their expectations either.

There are several times during our life when families are very important. Siblings when you go through school to pave the way or be there to stick up for you in times of trouble, moms or sisters when you are expecting your first child, then later in life when you find yourself alone after your parents or spouse is no longer in your life and your kids are busy with their families.

I am from a large family. I get along great with all of them but one. Fighting was not tolerated in our house and my parents stressed how important our family was so we all tried to get along. But this one brother for some reason hated me since as long as I can remember and I have no idea why. I never discussed it with him but having so many other siblings it was easy for me just to ignore him growing up. His hatred of me also spilled over to some of my brothers that are around his age, not that they hated me but they just were indifferent and ignored me. He was the reason that ‘Twin’ and I were no longer as close as we once were.

This troubled me off and on growing up and into adulthood. I tried being friendly to him during family gathering but he generally would just walk away. “Heck with him.’ I would tell myself but still it bothered me.

One day while I was cleaning a thought came to me. ‘Call your brother Chris and tell him you love him.’ I hadn’t thought about him for quite some time so this seemed odd to me. Immediately I told myself “I’m not going to call him and tell him that. Why should I?”

The same thought came to mind throughout the day and each time I came up with an excuse not to do it. Then I started thinking about it. I had to admit to myself that I did love him no matter how mean he had always been.

That night another thought came to my mind. What if something is about to happen to him and I might feel bad if he was suddenly no longer around and I never told him what the voice inside me was telling me to do.

Reluctantly I called him the next afternoon. “Hi Chris, it’s Anne.” “Hi.” He said back. Chris was famous for one word answers to me. “I just thought I would call to see how you are doing.” “Fine.” He said. Then I asked him how his wife was, his kids and grandkids. “Fine.” “How’s the job?” “Fine.” “How’s Mom?” “Fine.” And it went on and on like this.

I started telling him about what was new in my life and I could hear deep sighs and little groans. It was his way of telling me he couldn’t care less about my life and that he wanted to just hang up on me. But we were raised with decent manners so he didn’t.

Finally I was completely exhausted trying to maintain a smile since the feelings we have inside can be detected in our voice. “Well, Chris I should let you go but before I do I want you to know that I love you. In fact that is the reason I called just to tell you I love you.” I could feel tears flood my eyes when I said those words and I had a hard time continuing but I did after a slight pause. “Chris, I am so proud to be your sister.” Then I said the final goodbyes and hung up without him even returning a single word.

The next time I went home we ran into each other and he tried to leave as quickly as he could to avoid me. Before he left I went over to him, wrapped my arms around him and gave him a kiss on his cheek then told him I was glad we saw each other on this visit and I told him I loved him again.

He was still the same but I saw him differently. I genuinely loved him and it didn’t matter if he loved me back. I just wanted him to know that I loved him and I was proud of his achievements and his wonderful family.

I tried to call him several times a year and he started to warm slightly just before my divorce from my first husband.

Two weeks after my first husband left me I finally called my oldest brother to tell him what happened. I didn’t want to but I knew I couldn’t keep it a secret forever. I explained the situation which was very hard. I was embarrassed at the failed marriage and I knew no one in my family particularly liked my first husband. They only saw him a couple of times and were cordial because he was now family but that was about it.

My oldest brother said that he would come down. I tried to explain that I was okay and told him that my first husband’s best friend was making sure I was alright through all of this. Well, that wasn’t the wisest decision either. Several of my brothers hopped on a plane as soon as they could and were at my doorstep. To my surprise Chris was one of them.

I thought for sure Chris had come just to rub it in my face how much of a looser I was to have married my first husband and what did I do wrong to chase him away, but he didn’t. Instead he gave me a huge hug and said. “Sis, I’m so sorry, I know how much you loved him. But we are here for you. We will help you through this.” I had never heard his voice like that except to others. There was sincere compassion for me. Later during the stay he came over to me and told me how much he loved me and how proud of me he was. I was still in shock from his first conversation.

I learned from their visit how important family is. They came down to be with me when that was the last thing I expected. There was no judging, no criticizing, they were just there for me.

Today Chris and I continue to talk getting closer with each conversation and at times it seems like we have always been close.

There is power in the words “I love you.” These words can change your child's life and even turn it around, it can change the feelings your spouse has for you and all of those around you. It doesn't mean you approve of their behavior it just means you love them.

I still don’t know why Chris hated me all those years and it really doesn’t matter. I never bring it up and really don’t care to know. I am so thankful that I listened and made that phone call. We may never be as close as we might have been but it’s a start.