Be as Kind as a Kitten

I saw this picture this morning and it fit right into the thoughts that I wanted to share. Most of us can't help but smile looking at a kitten watching them play, exploring new objects, chasing their tail or seeing their reflection for the first time in a mirror. They can capture our attention for hours bringing such amusement.

I awoke early again this morning to write in my book then finished watching the Burn Notice final episode ‘Reckoning’ then returned to my book to finish a chapter.

The last paragraph I wrote was powerful to me. It spoke loud and clear. A new life lesson was born.

This series has impacted my life more than the writers, or actors could have ever expected.

God speaks to us through people since He lives in a different realm than we do. Well, He has used Burn Notice to speak to me. Everything in this life seems to have some lesson to learn and Burn Notice is no exception.

The book I'm writing is an extension to the episode ‘Reckoning’. It covers the time after both explosions; the one that took Madeline's life and the one at the Miami Chronicle building, until Michael, Fi, and Charlie are settled in Ireland. However, in my book there are two other main characters, Holly and her infant son. Holly came aboard my version during the last two episodes of the summer season in 2011, long before I even knew what those episodes would be about. Then she became the fifth member of the team in the next episode. She is someone Michael knew since he was under a year old.

The paragraph that impacted me was Strong’s thoughts after speaking with Sam and Jesse when they are first taken into custody by the CIA. They had just told Strong what happened to Michael, Fi, Madeline, Charlie, Holly, and the baby then gave Strong the disk drives that Sam managed to get out of the Chronicle building before it blew. And Jesse telling Strong what it was like before the explosion took the children and two women’s lives that he had grown to love and why he had survived. Here is what I wrote.

After the men were placed back into handcuffs then lead away Strong sat solemnly in his office with the door closed. He thought about what Sam and Jesse told him. He could picture his own mother and wife sitting on the sofa with his kids, all scared to death of the men outside their house not knowing what to do. He could imagine the fear the two women experienced and the fear for the children they so loved. Tears suddenly formed in his eyes. He had made a grave error not trusting Michael to do the right thing. Michael was a man of his word... a man of integrity. He had completed his mission and had sacrificed his life as well as his family and friends to get it accomplished. Strong didn't think he could even do that for the C.I.A. that he loved. Instead he had kept himself out of danger the entire time, staying in the safety of the walls of headquarters in Langley letting other men obey his orders, instead of handling the matter himself. He had made mistake, after mistake, on this op and Michael had paid with his life because of them. Now, how was he going to live with himself in the future? How could he make this right? When a good man dies, there is no way of making it right. Instead, he made a vow to make things better for others in the future.

In the series, Strong placed Michael between a rock and hard place. Strong manipulated him into helping resolve an op that so many people before Michael had failed. It was a win lose situation and Michael was trying to please everyone around him which was unrealistic to expect.

As a result, as far as Strong knew, Michael died. He died trying to successful conclude an op that so many had failed by following his instincts without the C.I.A. to back him up as promised. As a consequence Fi, Madeline and Charlie also died. Strong thought he knew better when he wasn't even in the action. He was so focused on bringing this guy down to bring recognition to himself or who knows why. He abandoned Michael and left him out in the cold because the op didn't go as he had planned. If Strong had shown some kindness towards Michael realizing Michael knew he made a mistake and now wanted to make it right, it might have saved Madeline's life.

These are fictional characters and made up stories but there are lessons to be learned. Our actions, words and thoughts are powerful and have consequences that impact other people's lives and well as ours. No one is perfect in this world. There has only been one, almost 2000 years ago.

We get mad at store clerks, coworkers, friends, and family when all they are doing is the best that they know how. Often we don't know what is going on in their lives, or in their thoughts, but for some reason we expect them to act in a way that we deem appropriate, never realizing someone else is looking at us with the same judgment.

What we say, what we do, the expressions on our face changes the world without us even realizing what we are doing. It is like a snowball rolling down a huge mountain continuing to grow as each year passes from one generation to another. It seems so insignificant but we never look at the long term effect that our words and behavior cause.

For some reason we expect others to be better than we are. We expect them to live their lives just to please us. There is something wrong with this thought process.

Instead we should show kindness to all, regardless if they return the kindness back to us. We should greet everyone with a smile. If we run into a situation that frustrates us, we should look inside to see what's wrong with us, not put the blame on others.

Instead we storm off, drive faster than we should, bark at our coworkers, snap at our spouse or children, or just sit in silence with our faces displaying our unspoken words, spreading anger wherever we go. In the end, we are worse than the person who frustrated us. Their actions were a moment of our day, whereas our actions lasted hours, upon hours, and sometimes days effecting hundreds around us.

People were not placed on this earth to bring us happiness. Instead, we were placed on this earth to spread happiness to others, by being kind, considerate, thoughtful, thankful, loving, gentle, and patient.

We will never know what one act of kindness will do. It will still have an effect a hundred years from now. Every action we do changes the lives of others, even the smallest of things.

One unkind word to our child can change their lives forever and for future generations to come. They will never forget the words we spoke. We won’t remember them but take it from me, they will. Can you imagine what one uplifting word to our child can do? We will never know if we don't say it.

Strong made mistakes but so did Michael. No one is perfect. You aren’t and neither am I. I often wonder how many lives will be lost because of my actions and because I wasn't the person God wanted me to be. I will never know.

I've snapped at innocent people myself because they annoyed me and now I have such regret. I still can see the face of a clerk when I was in my early twenties who was just a few years younger than me. She responded to a question that I asked and I thought she was a complete moron. 'How could anyone be that stupid?', I remember thinking. I didn’t tell her that but I sure was thinking it. My mood changed instantly. But I changed her life that day. I could see it on her face. There was shock and sadness. I can't take back the words I spoke and the expressions on my face. Who did I think I was judging her the way I did? I don't even remember the words I spoke but I bet she remembers them exactly and how she felt inside because of my cruelty. They were just a few unkind words, I didn't go off into a tirade or call her names, but it still had the same impact.

The people that I treated rudely didn't deserve it. It was me who was at fault for not just accepting them the way they were. Just like I want people to accept me the way I am.

If we took our cue from a kitten, so innocent, full of love for all those around them. Smiling, jumping and just enjoying everything they come into contact with, we will change this world. The footprints that we leave will be significant and not in a bad way.

Reflections

This morning my BH awoke then joined me in a room with little white lights glowing and candles flickering seeing me sitting at my computer crying my eyes out wondering what was going on. The mood was festive, peaceful, joyful, but I sat there crying.

“Honey, what’s wrong.” He asked, slightly afraid of what my response might be.

This time of year is often sad for many people as they reflect on the past, or love ones no longer around to share the precious moments of the season with. During this time of year I often have tears after seeing or feeling any number of moments and sometimes I don’t even know why.

But that wasn’t the case this morning.

I awoke earlier with excitement thinking about my new book ‘After the Burn’ and decided that while the house was still quiet I would write some ideas I had been thinking about.

I lit the candles in the room, plugged in the tree lights then started to write.

Soon I discovered that I wasn’t sure of certain events, so I started watching ‘Reckoning’ and typing the words spoken during a few of the scenes to get the answers.

I seldom watch any Burn Notice episode after it first airs by sitting in front of the TV unless I’m watching it with BH. I’d rather watch it on my computer taking screen caps along the way, reflecting on the words spoken and sometimes recording the lines to use later in Tumblr.

I came to the scene with Jesse and Madeline when she asked him why he was still with them after all they had put him through.

After each line that I typed I reflected on the words spoken and those in the previous scenes I had just watched when soon I found myself crying at the thoughts. The writers of these episodes are the best. The words spoken, the expressions of the actors, the mood of the scenes are powerful.

I thoroughly enjoy watching Burn Notice this way. I get so much more out of each episode than many people who just watch it then go on with their lives or turn to another show to watch.

That’s how I handle life now. I take it slower than many people who race around chasing one thing after another. Don’t get me wrong I used to be like that too sometimes. But I also spent many hours just reflecting on different ideas that came to my mind.

Life is not a race. I’m learning that it is an experience. A wonderful experience, if we just look at it differently.

I love my life more now that I’ve slowed down. I enjoy the smallest of things since I can now see them instead of them whizzing by while I chase after things that don’t matter at all.

I write my books that way as well, taking time to reflect on each scene. It’s a slow process but I enjoy every minute of it. It’s almost like I’m living the life of my character. But it’s better, since I can go back and change it whereas in real life we must get it right the first time.

It’s not about how much we fit into our day, but how much we get out of our day.

I may never completely finish a book that I’m writing, especially since they are all sagas or series of the ongoing life of the main character but it doesn’t matter. Since I’m not writing these for money but for my enjoyment, I’m taking it slow.

I will probably be stuck in Burn Noticeville for many, many years to come since there are still too many untold stories to tell about the characters, pictures to capture, and lines to reflect upon.

Reflection is good but it can be harmful. Reflection can make us appreciate everything God has done in our lives. But reflection should never make us feel sorry for ourselves or then we become depressed and miserable.

I sometimes wonder how much I missed before. How many smiles did I miss? How many words spoken by others did I miss? How many people were hurting that I could have comforted if I hadn’t been rushing around?

How many moments of our children’s lives do we miss? They are young for such a short time, but their years are precious. Just sitting watching them, wondering what is going on in their mind as they are discovering something for the first time.

That’s what’s important in this life. Take that which surrounds us and enjoy it to the max. Appreciate every moment since they are precious. We will never get them back.

Life is to be enjoyed no matter our circumstance. It is a more pleasant way to live.

For our lives to be enjoyed, we must be thankful and grateful, with love for all.

Even though I still get upset with the ending of the show, I am so grateful that it happened and I was part of it, if only in the distance.

Life will always disappoint us, but it is better to look at just the blessings that come our way and leave everything else in our past.

We can’t change what has happened but we can take advantage of it instead then use it for our good.

Madeline is gone and Jesse is roaming around some where in Miami. His family is all gone with the exception of Sam. But I’m sure he isn’t sitting feeling sorry himself. Instead he is making a new life from the pieces that are left.

We can learn a lot from the lessons in these shows if only we take time to use them for our advantage.

So now, I’ll pick up my pieces putting my life back together and enjoy today with all that it brings.

October's Party

October's Party
By: George Cooper

October gave a party;
The leaves by hundreds came—
The Chestnuts, Oaks, and Maples,
And leaves of every name.
The Sunshine spread a carpet,
And everything was grand,
Miss Weather led the dancing,
Professor Wind the band.

The Chestnuts came in yellow,
The Oaks in crimson dressed;
The lovely Misses Maple
In scarlet looked their best;
All balanced to their partners,
And gaily fluttered by;
The sight was like a rainbow
New fallen from the sky.

Then, in the rustic hollow,
At hide-and-seek they played,
The party closed at sundown,
And everybody stayed.
Professor Wind played louder;
They flew along the ground;
And then the party ended
In jolly "hands around."

The Cab Ride I’ll Never Forget ~ By Kent Nerburn

“We may not all live holy lives, but we live in a
world alive with holy moments.” ~ Kent Nerburn

Twenty years ago, I drove a cab for a living.

It was a cowboy’s life, a life for someone who wanted no boss.

What I didn’t realize was that it was also a ministry.

Because I drove the night shift, my cab became a moving confessional. Passengers climbed in, sat behind me in total anonymity, and told me about their lives. I encountered people whose lives amazed me, ennobled me, and made me laugh and weep.

But none touched me more than a woman I picked up late one August night. I was responding to a call from a small brick fourplex in a quiet part of town. I assumed I was being sent to pick up some partyers, or someone who had just had a fight with a lover, or a worker heading to an early shift at some factory for the industrial part of town.

When I arrived at 2:30 a.m., the building was dark except for a single light in a ground floor window.

Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a minute, then drive away.

But I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation. Unless a situation smelled of danger, I always went to the door. This passenger might be someone who needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself.

So I walked to the door and knocked. “Just a minute”, answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 80's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knick-knacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

“Would you carry my bag out to the car?” she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness.

“It’s nothing”, I told her. “I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated.”

“Oh, you’re such a good boy”, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, then asked, “Could you drive through downtown?”

“It’s not the shortest way,” I answered quickly.

“Oh, I don’t mind,” she said. “I’m in no hurry. I’m on my way to a hospice.”

I looked in the rear view mirror. Her eyes were glistening.

“I don’t have any family left,” she continued. “The doctor says I don’t have very long.”

I quietly reached over and shut off the meter. “What route would you like me to take?” I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. Sometimes she’d ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, “I’m tired. Let’s go now.”

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico. Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her. I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

“How much do I owe you?” she asked, reaching into her purse.

“Nothing,” I said.

“You have to make a living,” she answered.

“There are other passengers”.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.

“You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,” she said. “Thank you.”

I squeezed her hand, then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn’t pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly, lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don’t think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We’re conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware – beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

The Power of ‘I Love You’

This morning brought a flood of thoughts when I came across this quote ‘Being a family means you are a part of something very wonderful. It means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life. No matter what.’

Too many people have families that cause them anger, bitterness, resentment and so many other feelings.

In the end it is our family who will be there for us, either out of love or just because we are family and they feel obligated.

Today so many of us get upset with our family members some to the point of hating them and it is all because they don’t fit into the mold we have imagined in our mind. And why should they? Who says the way we live is perfect? Most likely we aren’t living up to their expectations either.

There are several times during our life when families are very important. Siblings when you go through school to pave the way or be there to stick up for you in times of trouble, moms or sisters when you are expecting your first child, then later in life when you find yourself alone after your parents or spouse is no longer in your life and your kids are busy with their families.

I am from a large family. I get along great with all of them but one. Fighting was not tolerated in our house and my parents stressed how important our family was so we all tried to get along. But this one brother for some reason hated me since as long as I can remember and I have no idea why. I never discussed it with him but having so many other siblings it was easy for me just to ignore him growing up. His hatred of me also spilled over to some of my brothers that are around his age, not that they hated me but they just were indifferent and ignored me. He was the reason that ‘Twin’ and I were no longer as close as we once were.

This troubled me off and on growing up and into adulthood. I tried being friendly to him during family gathering but he generally would just walk away. “Heck with him.’ I would tell myself but still it bothered me.

One day while I was cleaning a thought came to me. ‘Call your brother Chris and tell him you love him.’ I hadn’t thought about him for quite some time so this seemed odd to me. Immediately I told myself “I’m not going to call him and tell him that. Why should I?”

The same thought came to mind throughout the day and each time I came up with an excuse not to do it. Then I started thinking about it. I had to admit to myself that I did love him no matter how mean he had always been.

That night another thought came to my mind. What if something is about to happen to him and I might feel bad if he was suddenly no longer around and I never told him what the voice inside me was telling me to do.

Reluctantly I called him the next afternoon. “Hi Chris, it’s Anne.” “Hi.” He said back. Chris was famous for one word answers to me. “I just thought I would call to see how you are doing.” “Fine.” He said. Then I asked him how his wife was, his kids and grandkids. “Fine.” “How’s the job?” “Fine.” “How’s Mom?” “Fine.” And it went on and on like this.

I started telling him about what was new in my life and I could hear deep sighs and little groans. It was his way of telling me he couldn’t care less about my life and that he wanted to just hang up on me. But we were raised with decent manners so he didn’t.

Finally I was completely exhausted trying to maintain a smile since the feelings we have inside can be detected in our voice. “Well, Chris I should let you go but before I do I want you to know that I love you. In fact that is the reason I called just to tell you I love you.” I could feel tears flood my eyes when I said those words and I had a hard time continuing but I did after a slight pause. “Chris, I am so proud to be your sister.” Then I said the final goodbyes and hung up without him even returning a single word.

The next time I went home we ran into each other and he tried to leave as quickly as he could to avoid me. Before he left I went over to him, wrapped my arms around him and gave him a kiss on his cheek then told him I was glad we saw each other on this visit and I told him I loved him again.

He was still the same but I saw him differently. I genuinely loved him and it didn’t matter if he loved me back. I just wanted him to know that I loved him and I was proud of his achievements and his wonderful family.

I tried to call him several times a year and he started to warm slightly just before my divorce from my first husband.

Two weeks after my first husband left me I finally called my oldest brother to tell him what happened. I didn’t want to but I knew I couldn’t keep it a secret forever. I explained the situation which was very hard. I was embarrassed at the failed marriage and I knew no one in my family particularly liked my first husband. They only saw him a couple of times and were cordial because he was now family but that was about it.

My oldest brother said that he would come down. I tried to explain that I was okay and told him that my first husband’s best friend was making sure I was alright through all of this. Well, that wasn’t the wisest decision either. Several of my brothers hopped on a plane as soon as they could and were at my doorstep. To my surprise Chris was one of them.

I thought for sure Chris had come just to rub it in my face how much of a looser I was to have married my first husband and what did I do wrong to chase him away, but he didn’t. Instead he gave me a huge hug and said. “Sis, I’m so sorry, I know how much you loved him. But we are here for you. We will help you through this.” I had never heard his voice like that except to others. There was sincere compassion for me. Later during the stay he came over to me and told me how much he loved me and how proud of me he was. I was still in shock from his first conversation.

I learned from their visit how important family is. They came down to be with me when that was the last thing I expected. There was no judging, no criticizing, they were just there for me.

Today Chris and I continue to talk getting closer with each conversation and at times it seems like we have always been close.

There is power in the words “I love you.” These words can change your child's life and even turn it around, it can change the feelings your spouse has for you and all of those around you. It doesn't mean you approve of their behavior it just means you love them.

I still don’t know why Chris hated me all those years and it really doesn’t matter. I never bring it up and really don’t care to know. I am so thankful that I listened and made that phone call. We may never be as close as we might have been but it’s a start.

My Fi

Yesterday I reminisced about my Fi. I call her my Fi since she is very little like the Fi we’ve seen in Burn Notice. Sure she can do the things that Fi does but the reason behind it is different. Fi’s background is different than on TV as well. Even though she dresses similar to Fi her lifestyle is much different.

A number of years ago I awoke from a dream about Fi and started wondering what her life really was like in Ireland. What was her childhood like? What was she like as a teenager? What was it like for her to be an IRA trained gorilla. No matter how I tried to envision her it came out different than what we know about her. I just let my thoughts go without any manipulation to have her fit Matt Nix’s idea of the character. I was so surprised to find out what Fi was really like.

Each day that I thought about her it was almost as if God was telling me her story since I was often surprised about her life just like Michael was.

Even my version of Michael and Fi’s relationship is completely different than Matt Nix’s. For example, Fi was never the trigger happy ex-girlfriend. She was always the girlfriend but not in a traditional way. They have a very complicated relationship, one in which they love each other deeply but neither one of them actually knows the other since they never have taken the time to talk about their past. The only things they know about each other are the rumors and the experiences they have shared. During much of their relationship overseas they were separated spending very little time together, but through it all they knew they were destined to be together.

In my version Fi has never been in Northern Ireland even though there are reports that she set off car bombs there. In fact she never set off a car bomb until one day about six years after they met when they were pinned down under fire in the Czech Republic and they needed it as a distraction to make their escape. Fi had no idea how to blow up the car and had only read about C4 but had never used it. Michael presumed she carried it with her so she was forced to quickly improvise a way to blow it up based on her knowledge of how cars operated so that he wouldn't be disappointed with her since Michael was her hero. It turned out all right and Michael never suspected that she had no clue what she was doing never realizing the potential danger they were in. After that she had to figure out how to obtain C4 (after all you just can't go to your local supermarket for it), use it and make sure she always carried with her. She also decided while she was at it she better obtain a hand gun or maybe even a machine gun. If she could find C4 she was sure she could find illegal firearms. That’s my Fi.

My Fi never ran guns for a profit until she landed in Miami where the opportunity fell into her lap. Her gun running activities overseas where coerced and never voluntary.

Also my Fi is a real hero as well as Michael. They are larger than life which always makes for a wonderful read.

Fi is very funny in my eyes whereas the Fi we see on TV never laughs unless she is making fun of someone. My Fi is smart, very smart and cleaver picking up on things quickly, that’s how she has been able to survive.

She is also fearless. Not that she has never experienced fear, she just doesn't let fear get in the way of what she has or wants to do. As a child she never experienced fear so she was a daredevil attempting things with boldness that no other child would.

She has a huge curiosity about science especially chemistry and technology. She loves to read, loves to learn languages and loves an adventure. She has a knack of running into people that have shared their knowledge which became useful later on in life. All of these events led her and her brother Sean to experience more than any normal child. As it turned out these became vital later for her to survival under the control of the IRA.

Throughout her life people have always misjudged her and gave her far more credit than she deserved. She developed a reputation based on false rumors spread by others and not on actual events that she participated. Later on, to live up to Michael's expectations of her, she had to improvise on the spot to help Michael as an asset based on false information that Michael was told about her.

She is a dynamic woman because she is a survivor. She will do what she has to just to survive or to please Michael as long as it isn’t at the cost of others. She handles each situation that I put her through and manages to get through each one and never looks back at what could have been. She just moves on to the next day. Her life is not all as she dreamed it to be but she makes the best out of each day knowing that she was placed on this earth to help others have a better life and as a result her life is enriched.

I love her since even during the darkest days of her life she never felt sorry for herself even when she had almost lost all hope she had the sense to turn the situation over to God and let Him take control ultimately saving her life.

She’s beautiful, gracious, kind, considerate and doesn’t even know it. She thinks of herself as the everyman; she isn't better than anyone else. She just has used what life threw at her turning it around to her advantage.

The stuff I have put Fi through no one could have ever survived but she did. You name it she’s experienced it. Through my imagination of her I’ve laughed hysterically, cried almost uncontrollably, I felt almost the panic she has and the relief of getting through it. I’ve felt the frustration of her knowing that she and Michael were destined to marry but it never seemed it would happen because of one event after another. I experienced the happiness and dread the day Michael finally proposed and the sadness when he let her go so that she could finally have the life she was meant to lead.

Michael and Fi met in a pub in Dublin, Ireland but not at all like we saw on TV this past season. Their meeting was a dream come true for Fi much like a fairy tale. By dream come true I literally mean a dream that came true because of a vision from God placed in her heart that she refused to give up on.

My version of Fi involves her life growing up in Ireland; the time she spent in New York as a small child, and later as an adult; her time living in France, Spain, Italy, Sweden and Germany; her time overseas with Michael and her time in Miami. My story of Fi doesn’t involve specific clients it is a story of the personal lives of Michael and Fi. Of course Sam Axe is an important part of the story as well as all the other characters but on a personal level. The characters and actors in a few other shows have managed to work their way into her life too.

My book contains romance, drama, comedy, tragedy and suspense.

Someday I would love to have it all written down and published for other’s to read. Of course, I will have to change the names of the characters which might take away from the story but maybe it’s just because I am so close to Burn Notice.

Yesterday I recalled an event that I would like to share so you might get a glimpse of my Fi. Do you remember the episode where Fi asked what ever happened to Michael McBride? Well here is my version of it.

When Fi met Michael he introduced himself to her as Michael McBride and the next four years that’s what she thought was his name. However, during those four years they were separated. She desperately wanted him to return back into her life and thought about him constantly. She had no idea he was under a cover id, in other words she had fallen in love with Michael McBride, a technology rep.

After settling in Florida, Michael would put on his Irish accent to amuse Fi. She loved it when he did that for her. But there came a time when the burn notice investigation was draining on all of them and it has been a long time since Michael did his Michael McBride impersonation. As a result of being frustrated that it had been going on for so long interrupting her plans for marriage and having kids she was starting to get a little testy. Not bad but it was noticeable to Michael and causing friction between them which was distracting Michael from his work.

Michael had a job he wanted her to do for him so she stopped by the loft to find out more information. She had been thinking a lot about Michael McBride for the last few days. Michael was sitting on the bed fatigued, trying to come up with an alternative plan when Fi sat down next to him and softly said placing her hand on his. “I’ve been thinking a lot about Michael McBride lately and I miss him terribly.” She looked at Michael who had his head down staring at the floor. “When do you think he will come back?” She added.

Michael slowly raised his eyes and looked at her. She looked as tired as he felt. “I’m not sure.” He started to say. “He’s off looking for that sweet little Irish girl he met years ago in Ireland. I’m sure he will show up as soon as she returns to Miami.”

Fi fought back the tears she knew would appear any minute then got up to leave. She thought for a moment bent down and gently kissed Michael on the cheek. “Michael, I have a feeling she will be returning very soon.” She placed her hand tenderly on his shoulders before leaving to complete her assignment. Fi knew she has better get her mind cleared of the garbage that was preventing her from thinking straight and get her mind focused back on task. She knew when the time was right she and Michael would marry, but for the time being she needed to put those thoughts behind her and just love him. If she didn’t, she could be jeopardizing his life.

You see Michael had also fallen in love with a cover id. When he first fell in love with Fi he thought she was this sweet young Irish peasant girl working in a pub in Dublin, only to find out she was the daughter of the owner of the pub. The next four days he too imagined that sweet, kind Irish girl that one day he would marry and settle down with in Dublin. He had no idea at the time that she really was Ireland’s infamous “Lady of the Night” that he had been sent by the C.I.A. to eliminate.

The Rooster and the Hen

The Rooster and the Hen
By Adeline J. Haws

Said the Little Red Rooster,
“Believe me, things are tough!
Seems the worms are getting scarcer
And I just cannot find enough.
What’s become of all those fat ones?
It’s a mystery to me.
There were thousands of them through that rainy spell,
But now, where can they be?
But the Old Black Hen who heard him
Didn’t grumble or complain,
Because she had lived through lots of dry spells;
She had lived through floods of rain.
She picked a new and undug spot.
The ground was hard and firm.
“I must go to the worms,” she said
“Because the worms won’t come to me.”
The Rooster vainly spent his day
Through habit, by the ways
Where fat round worms had passed in squads
Back in the rainy days.
When nightfall found him supperless,
He growled in accents rough,
“I’m hungry as a fowl can be,
Conditions sure are tough.”
But the Old Black Hen hopped to her perch
And dropped her eyes to sleep
And murmured in a drowsy tone,
“Young man, hear this and weep.
I’m full of worms and happy
For I’ve eaten like a pig.
The worms were there as always,
But, boy, I had to dig!”

How Fi Changed My Life

This morning I was working on my Burn Notice photos from the Pilot revisiting this scene when my thoughts drifted to my book on Fi. I had this overwhelming desire to start actually putting this scene to paper, actually in a Word document, and started recalling my version.

A number of years ago I started thinking about what Fi’s life was like; the life that we don’t see on camera. Burn Notice is mostly about Michael Westen and we rarely see what Fi or the other team member are doing when they aren’t with Michael. What is Michael and Fi’s life like when they aren’t helping clients or tracking down international conspiracy terrorism groups?

When I first started envisioning her life I had recently experienced one of the worse times in my life and I was still dealing with the aftermath. Daydreaming of Fi took me away from my problems by focusing my thoughts on someone else.

Through the course of thinking about my book on a daily basis, if only just a few minutes a day, my life was changed and lately spending time studying the Bible for several hours a day instead of watching TV, a reoccurring theme keeps presenting itself to me. It has to do with our thoughts. “As a man thinks so is he.” The more I meditate on this idea the more profound I find it to be. It is very powerful. The more I meditate on other scriptures I am also finding awesome power in them as well.

I started writing my story starting from her receiving the phone call in New York. As she started to say goodbye to her friend in New York as she was leaving to join Michael when he got off from the plane in Miami I started to cry. It’s odd how even writing we can be moved to tears and laughter.

Fi has become such an important part of me. She has changed my life. Not only has Fi changed my life so have the other characters on the show and also the actors that play them.

Because in my mind I had to became Fi in order to write her story, Michael, Nate, Madeline, Sam and Jesse as well as the rest of the ensemble have also become part of my story…part of my family.

The more I thought about this the more events over the past years started coming to mind. As I look back now I realize that I am no longer the person I was. Then I recalled a statement I made a while ago, There is a lot of Jeffrey Donovan in Michael Westen and now there is a lot of Michael Westen in Jeffrey Donovan. I assume Jeffrey is not the same man that walked into the audition 7 years ago at least as far as his character affecting his personality.

Because of Fi I started on my journey to change me into the person I always wanted to be. Then with the help of God it came into reality.

About a year or so after I first started thinking about Fi I saw an inspirational program on PBS. The speaker said some words to me that literally changed my life. I had heard these same words when I was just in my early twenties and knew they were profound but never seemed to master them. “Change your thoughts and you change your world.” But this speaker said it differently. I heard him say “Become the person you want to become.” First you have to pretend or imagine, or mentally believe to be the person you want to be and after a while it becomes a habit then you actually become that person naturally. He was talking about becoming successful. If you want to see yourself in a certain career then you have to imagine yourself successful in that career.

I heard Les Brown speak about that same subject too. He wanted to be a radio personality so badly that he took whatever job he could just to work in the industry. At home and in his spare time he rehearsed being on the radio night after night until he lived it. One day he just happened to be delivering something into the broadcast area and the radio personality had either quit or had called in sick and they were at a loss to find a replacement in such short notice. He told him he could do it. They didn’t believe him because of the position he held but they reasoned at least he might be able to hold off the audience until they reached a replacement. Because of his years of practicing he already had his radio personality down pat and was an instant success to the dismay of everyone around him.

When I first tried to “change my thoughts so I could change my world” I found it impossible. I don’t know if you were like me but I would get home from work and be so angry with myself for saying or doing something that I promised myself I wouldn’t do again. Often I just said to myself ‘keep your mouth shut’ then the next day I would repeat the past mistake again even though I knew better.

I tried forcing myself to be happy and it never lasted more than a few hours. It seemed like no matter what I wanted to change I found it impossible.

I now realize it was because I didn’t change my thoughts. I had the same goals but I didn’t actually change my thoughts. My goal was to be happy but I still allowed those thoughts that made me unhappy to affect me. Once I became determined to be happy I started chasing all unhappy thoughts away and it worked. I wouldn’t allow those thoughts to take root, just happy ones.

Also recently I found out that some of these we can’t change ourselves. We have to allow God to change us. “Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4.

God created us and he knows what will make us happy, content, and fulfilled. When we turn ourselves over to him and let him guide us, he changes our heart and puts His desires in them. They are customized just for us.

It took me getting to such a low spot in my life…rock bottom I think they call it even though I wasn’t on alcohol or drugs… rock bottom on actually tired of trying to go it alone and always coming short of my intended goals and dreams.

I look back on the past seven years on this journey of self-improving and I realize I have finally made it. I’m not completely there but I am so close. I wanted to be happy – really happy. I wanted to be content and I wanted to be at peace. Today I have all three. When you don’t have these you are carrying such a heavy load on your backs that you don’t need to.

I thank God every day for changing me into the person I always wanted to become. What’s the saying “Let go and let God.” I was so afraid of letting go. I now realize what a fool I was to try to think I could do it alone. I needed a supreme being to do it for me. This is God’s world and not ours. When we try to live it in our understanding we can never be happy, content, truly successful and at peace.

My life isn’t perfect. I still have everyday problems to deal with but I no longer worry about them. I let God lead the way knowing that He has equipped me to handle anything that comes my way. I now listen to His voice where before my heart was hardened refusing to listen to what He had to say.

The things that used to upset me no longer do. God is sharing with me His wisdom so I know where my thinking was wrong and can now easily change it.

I go to bed at night in peace. Sure there are nights I can’t get to sleep but mostly it’s because I am so excited for the next day. Or God gives me ideas or is teaching me something and my meditation keeps me awake. But it is no longer in frustration that I can’t get to sleep. I am content. You have no idea how awesome that is since before I was rarely content.

I know many of you will ignore this posting or read it and go your merry way, but I hope that you take some time to ponder it. You never know your life in the next few years might be exactly what you’ve always wanted it to be too.

Becoming Useable

I have tried to write in this blog for some time sharing the many ideas that God places in my heart. When I think about them the thoughts that come are awesome. After going through it in my mind I decide to put them on paper (actually a Word document), but the words never come out as good as in my head. I now realize that those ideas are God’s way of teaching me and not necessarily ready for sharing. He is fulfilling a request that I made to Him to become useable. For God to use us we must be usable. So God in his marvelous way is making me more useable each and every day. Thank you God for always being by my side and guiding me as I make this journey through life until I’m finally with you in heaven.

What a Friend We Have in Jesus

Joseph M. Scriven, 1855. Scriven wrote this hymn to comfort his mother, who was across the sea from him in Ireland. It was originally published anonymously, and Scriven did not receive full credit for almost 30 years.

What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised Thou wilt all our burdens bear
May we ever, Lord, be bringing all to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright unclouded there will be no need for prayer
Rapture, praise and endless worship will be our sweet portion there.

Turning the Page

This week has been the end of a seven year run following the cast and crew of Burn Notice and soon it will be time to say our final goodbye after the airing of the finale of the show on September 12th. Last night we said goodbye to the cast and crew on the final day of filming as they left to search for new projects.

The past seven years have flown by because of my enthusiasm for the show which kept my mind focused on it rather than on my problems and health situation.

I hate change, especially change that ends something I love the most, like when I had to say goodbye to my husband from my first marriage; to my mother, father and sister after they left us to be with the Lord; to my childhood innocence and so much more.

But with each change comes new opportunities for joy and happiness to replace that which we have lost. It’s like turning the page of a book, we never know what to expect on the next page but in the end we know it will all turn out well.

Sometimes turning the page only brings additional grief, when that happens it’s time to open a new book and begin a new journey from scratch.

Right now I will just turn the page to a new tomorrow with its promise of a bright future and continued love for a show that has literally changed my life for the better. At some point I might have to put the old book down and start a new one but until that time I will enjoy this one for as long as I can.

Daddy’s Little Girl

I have recently become extremely aware of the laws of God and how powerful they are and the benefits of obeying them. Whenever I see the situations that people get themselves into or the hardships or unpleasantries that people are experiencing I wish they understood God’s laws. They are very simple to follow but reap extraordinary benefits.

Unfortunately, in the world today we are being taught the opposite. That’s the problem today we aren’t taking advantage of His laws. It’s like fighting against His law of gravity. When we do that we get unpredictable results but when we follow it or use it to our advantage we reap the benefits.

This afternoon I was thinking of my Dad when I remembered a special time we used to spend together. My father worked very hard and very long hours. The only time we saw him was at dinnertime then he would return to work often coming home after us children went to bed. But there were occasions when he came home early. My brothers would gang up on him to join them in the backyard for some game of sports: baseball, basketball or tossing a football. However, there were the rare occasions when he was extremely tired after a rough day and just wanted to relax. Those were my special times.

He would sit on the couch just to catch his breath and unwind from the day before getting the strength to go outside to be with his children. When I was small I would crawl up on the couch and cuddle next to him neither one of us saying a word. Then I would get down and run into the kitchen to get him something cold to drink from the refrigerator if my Mom hadn’t brought him something then carefully without spilling take it to him. I’m sure whatever I brought him might not have been exactly what he wanted to drink that night but it didn’t matter since it came with love from his daughter.

Then I would run back to the kitchen to ask permission from my mother to go into their closet to get my Dad’s slippers. Us children were not allowed in our parent’s bedroom or allowed to disturb them if they were in there unless the house was on fire so it was a big deal being allowed access if only to get his slippers. I felt honored to be allowed to enter ‘the forbidden room’.

Then I would return to the living room taking off my Dad’s shoes, rub his feet and place a slipper on each foot. Then back on the couch next to him. He had such a huge smile each time I did this. Then he would put his arm around me with a little hug. “I love you Daddy.” I would tell him. “I love you too Anne,” he would reply. Then we just sat there enjoying each other’s company without saying a word.

Thinking of it reminded me of Jesus washing His disciple’s feet. Not that I am Jesus or anything, but I was serving my father those nights in appreciation for everything he did for us. I didn’t ask for anything in return other than his love.

Our heavenly Father is the same. He doesn’t ask for much from us other than for us to love Him. We can do this by serving His children on earth with love and kindness and spend some quiet time with Him thanking Him for the many blessings He grants us each day. It takes so little effort to please our Father in heaven but the rewards are amazing when we do.

By offering kindness and love to others we often receive it back when we least expect it touching our hearts. Isn’t that what life is really all about? I believe that is what each one of us ultimately desires out of life; to be loved and to be shown some respect and kindness. When we fail to do this on a regular basis the world goes awry. People become frustrated, angry, and resentful. It is the result of us not showing respect to others or to God. We get what we give out. It’s just a simple rule of God.

When we don’t appreciate our jobs, our co-workers, our customers, then we hate our jobs and our jobs are not kind to us. But when we are grateful for each of these then our jobs become rewarding and satisfying.

The same applies to anything in life. From the store clerks that frustrate us, to our siblings or parents. It’s simply that we don’t appreciate them that we feel the way we do. They are just human’s trying to get through this life the best way they know how to. When we show them respect and appreciation they return the gesture to us. If they don’t then God will find someone instead to return the favor.

If you aren’t satisfied with an area of your life, try showing a little kindness, appreciation and love for someone other than yourself on a regular basis. You will be surprised how your world will change for the better.

The Role of a Lifetime

This morning I was still thinking about last night’s episode of Burn Notice and the events that went on, marveling at the brilliant people who have made this show such a great success with so many of us on the edge of our seat each Thursday night and endless thinking about the show.

I sent a tweet to Jeffrey Donovan wondering if he ever was as excited as we are waiting for the next episode, in his case for the next day to get to work to find out what would happen next.

I thought how exciting it would be to be Jeffrey Donovan having the opportunity to play Michael Westen. If I were playing a character in that series I would be very excited waiting to go to work each day just to play my character.

Then it hit me, I am playing a character but in real life. God has giving me the character of Anne. Like Jeff, each day I’m not sure what the day will bring. Ultimately in the end we both know it will all work out, maybe not the way we would like it, but it will work out.

As with Jeff, his role as Michael Westen is planned and so is mine. God knows what is in my future. He is making preparations for me to enjoy each day as long as I follow His script and listen to His direction. I am perfect for my role as Anne since God created me for that very purpose.

If I go out and play my role anyway I want to, it is almost guaranteed to not end well.

The writers on Burn Notice know the ultimate goal they want to accomplish. They want the show to be a success leaving the viewers satisfied and wanting more so they plan it carefully. To the writers, I imagine Burn Notice is their baby. They have become attached to it and have a vested interest in its success.

God does the same for us. He has planned our future knowing exactly what will make us the most satisfied and happy if we only trust in Him. He is our Father, and we are His children. As with any father, God wants the very best for His children. He has a vested interest in us as our Father. He wants us to be successful too.

Unlike the writers of Burn Notice who will eventually move on to other projects, God will never leave us unless we leave Him. He will always be there for us for eternity. Even when someone wants to end our life, we will always be with God for eternity enjoying far more than we could ever imagine.

Just think about that for a moment…eternity. That is forever, not just a season, not just a series of seasons but FOREVER.

If we remain excited, enthusiastic and focused on what God has recommended for living our lives we too can look forward to each day and what comes with it. Even the twists and turns, the ups and downs can be exciting since we know that God has it all worked out in advance for it to turn out successful for us. All we need to do is play out each scene according to his Word, listening for His direction then just enjoy every minute of it. Even the tribulations we can turn around to our advantage with His guidance.

In other words, we are playing the role of a lifetime. It was created just for us. It really is on the seat entertainment each day with love, joy, laughter, excitement, and anticipation.

Now go out and enjoy the ride, excited to see what comes next and how God will play it out!

A Brighter Future

This morning in prayer I was instantly reminded what an awesome future God has in store for me with multiple projects to replace the loss of Burn Notice. Many of these projects had been planned before RA hit my joints thinking that they would sit idle until I became well again and others are a result from the show.

Even though I am still hopeful that a miracle will occur and Burn Notice will be renewed, I realize that at some point the show will end, as everything in life eventually does. I am extremely grateful that God brought Burn Notice to fruition for so many of us to come to love if not just to be enjoyed. This TV series not only made many people extremely wealthy monetarily, provided jobs for hundreds of people, benefited many Florida communities, but many us throughout the world have become exceeding blessed in so many ways. It is awesome how a simple idea (dream) when pursued can change the world.

Burn Notice has been a miracle that came into my life six years ago and as a result my life will never be the same. Not only have there been valuable lessons to be learned with each new episode, but the entire experience of becoming very involved with the show has transformed my life. The show has giving me new views on life, giving me a reason to pursue areas of my life that needed improvement, made me want to tackle new adventures without fear, as well as to search for answers to life.

There are numerous things that I am very grateful and thankful for because of the show. The main one is that I have become closer to God than any other point of my life. This didn’t just happen overnight, it has been a gradual process which has resulted in an overwhelming amount of blessings in my life.

It started by being very thankful that I was at the right place at the right time to see the promo of this new show being aired on USA Network and thankful every year that it returned. This thankfulness has extended into every aspect of my life.

I was very exciting after seeing the promo, especially since the show was a new concept never before developed and it also was starting in the summer. A summer TV show was a surprise for me since I mainly watched the main network shows rather than those on cable. Each week I eagerly waited for the next episode to be shown. At the end of that summer I became extremely disappointed that I had to wait an entire year for it to return the following summer but now I had something in my life to look forward to. I was addicted to my first TV show and had fallen in love with Michael Westen and Jeffrey Donovan. I had a new reason and a purpose in my life.

As a result I received the next greatest gift of all, I learned to take my eyes off from myself and focus on something else. At the time my life seemed in shambles. I had been dealing with a disease that was attacking my body with my hopes and dreams of the future being destroyed along with it. The show not only gave me hope for the future but when I focused on the show I didn’t feel the extreme pain that was throughout my body.

Also, my depression was gone. I learned a valuable lesson that depression cannot exist when you are thankful and when you take your eyes off from yourself by putting your attention on something that is positive and pleasant.

After falling in love with Michael Westen and Jeffrey Donovan. I started daydreaming about what it would be like being Fi. As a result of those daydreams I am now writing two books. Then I decided to become a person that both Michael Westen and Jeffrey Donovan would like to be with. The thought of being Fi and that I might be someone admired by Mr. Donovan caused me to smile most of the time. These ideas brought such happiness into my life and helped me deal with additional tragedies I was experiencing.

I was married to another wonderful man at the time not realizing the marriage was coming to an end. Because of my new goals and attitude I was able to get through the divorce still smiling even though extremely sad. I had met my future husband just shortly before. This new attitude and pleasant personality attracted him to me and as a result of a tragic loss I am now blessed with an even happier marriage with a new perspective which will give this marriage a much better chance of surviving.

There are thousands of other reasons I am grateful to the show and God for, but they all lead back to discovering the laws that God has established to enable each of us to live a happy life. Tribulations will still occur which are also a part of life but now I know that they are small things in the grand scope of life. The blessings that surround us each and every minute of the day exceed any of our problems.

By removing self-pity, being thankful in all things, remaining hopeful, and recognizing all of the amazing gifts that God gives us each day we all can lead an exciting, awesome, happy life with a brighter future.

I Love My Life

I love my life. It wasn’t always this way. There was a time in my life that I hated every moment. It’s hard to believe, but it’s true.

Through a series of events my eyes were opened to the cruelty of this world and that dreams and wishes often do not come true.

Even though I put the cruelty that had happened to me in the past refusing to be a victim and instead becoming the victor, those events changed me. I was no longer a happy little girl instead I became sad and fearful which became worse when I reached adulthood as more events came my way.

To deal with each new event I started to expect the worse out of life so that I would never be hurt or disappointed. I didn’t realize it at the time that we get what we expect out of life. Since I expected the worse that is exactly what I received each and every day. When I didn’t think things could get any worse they did...at least in my mind.

You see I was looking at life wrong. Our thoughts and words are powerful. They can destroy us and those around us, or they can bring great joy and happiness. It’s our choice.

I never realized that it was my choice to be happy. I was relying on outside sources; events, people, things, to make me happy. When we do that, we will always be disappointed.

St. Paul said ‘I have learned to be content with whatever I have, in any and all circumstances.’ Wow, those are powerful words!!!

I used to think that if I was content with my circumstance then I would be stuck there. God would think I was content and therefore not bless me with what I wanted out of life. I was wrong, that is the thinking of man, not God. God will not give us more if we are not thankful and content with what he has already blessed us with. God doesn’t respond to temper tantrums like some parents do with their children. Also, God will never give us that which we are not equipped or prepared to handle at the moment. Often we need to grow and mature to receive the blessings he has in store for us.

God knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows what will bring us the most happiness. Often we desire something only to go out on our own and get it resulting in regret years later.

Unfortunately for me, it took losing everything I held dear to realize that. I have such regret now since I wasn’t content with everything in my life back then. Granted I was grateful but not content, my gratefulness wasn’t sincere. As a result this allowed Satan to enter my thoughts which destroyed my life at that time.

Today I choose to be happy every day and I am content with my life. It isn’t always easy, therefore I have to recognize when the Devil puts those old evil thoughts back in my head that I need to chase him away.

I have given my life over to God. He will make things right for me and get me through the rough patches. God loves me more than anyone in this world ever could. He wants to bless me and wants me to be happy. I try to appreciate everyone and everything. I notice the smallest blessings now and as a result I am happier than I have ever been.

We as humans mess up our own lives more than anyone else ever could by reliving the past, with unrealistic expectations for our present circumstance, and by the words we say.

Today I remain positive, grateful, thankful and hold no unforgiveness no matter what comes my way. I do not allow anger, bitterness, resentment to take over my thoughts.

Today I am at peace, I am happy...and I am content.

Unconditional Friendship

I find it sad in today’s society that people do not know or have experienced unconditional friendship or unconditional love. It has become a very selfish, self-centered world. It’s all about them as if the world revolved around them. They will abandon or desert you if you ruffle their feathers or respond in an unacceptable manner even though you have no idea what happened or what you did wrong, Or even if you do recognize the problem the other person often will never forgive you.

I cannot think of a person who I have liked or loved that I now dislike or hate. I have been blessed beyond measure by the ability to accept people as they are without any expectations. The people who I have loved, I still love. Those who I liked, I still like; it never changes.

They have hurt my feelings, made mean or cruel comments, walked away from our friendship, taken advantage of me, talked behind my back or spread false rumors about me. Still after all of that I still like them. Granted, I do not trust them as I once did, but I still can be friends with them if they choose and if they don’t I still think fondly of them years after they have left my life.

It is so sad that other people don’t feel the same way or experience the joy I have with so many people. A true friend is a rare commodity.

There will always be people in and out of our lives. During the active times we can learn and enjoy knowing them. Often they have much to teach us or even help us grow. When the season of our friendship has turned to winter they will be gone or we need to leave. But if we leave, we should leave on friendly terms.

So dear reader, the next time you get angry with someone or disappointed, think first before reacting. We don't know what is going on in their lives. It is harsh for us to judge what we do not know, or make assumptions that are untrue, or have unrealistic expectation that the other person is incapable of living up to.

We are all on a path through life and each of us is at a different point. Sometimes we are ahead of them in maturity and need to wait until they catch up and other times it is the other way around. Sometimes we take detours and other times they do and we have to wait until we are on the correct path once again.

God brings people into our lives to bless us. You have the choice to accept the blessing or throw it away. The choice is up to you.

Cats in the Cradle

This is another moving reminder of how important it is to spend time with those we love.

Cats In The Cradle
By: Harry Chapin

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you dad
You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home dad?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw", I said "Not today
I got a lot to do", he said, "That's ok"
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, he came home from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
"Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head and said with a smile
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

To My Grown-Up Son

This morning I received a tweet ‘No matter how busy a person is, if they really care, they'll always find time for you.’ which brought many thoughts to mind.

In this hurried world we often neglect the people who matter the most to us: our spouse, children, parents, siblings or friends.

In the end, it doesn’t matter if we have a clean house, everything is in its place, we have new clothes, or the latest technology gadget. What matters most is the time we spend with those we love and are close to.

If we are too busy to share intimate moments with our spouse we may lose them, or lose the closeness we once shared. Or if we don’t spend time with our children they will find something or someone to replace the attention they are lacking.

Many years ago I was at a conference where the speaker read a poem. I went home found the poem and placed it on my refrigerator so that I wouldn’t forget those close to me. Over the years it became old and worn out and I put it away. Today I was reminded of that poem from the tweet so I would like to share it will you. I hope it blesses you as much as it blessed me so many years ago. Warning it will create a tear or two.

To My Grown-Up Son
By Alice E. Chase – 1975

My Hands were busy through the day;
I didn’t have much time to play
The little games you asked me to.
I didn’t have much time for you.

I’d Wash your clothes, I’d sew and cook,
But when you’d bring your picture book
And ask me please to share your fun
I’d say: "A little later, son."

I’d tuck you in all safe at night
and hear your prayers, turn out the lights,
Then tip toe softly to the door...
I wish I’d stayed a minute more.

For life is short, the years rush past...
A little boy grows up so fast.
No longer is he at your side
His precious secrets to confide.

The picture books are put away,
There are no longer games to play,
No good-night kiss,
No prayers to hear...
That all belongs to yesteryear

My hands, once busy, now are still,
The days are long and hard to fill,
I wish I could go back and do
The little things you asked me to.

An Answered Prayer

When I was young my oldest brother would often take the brother closest to my age and me to the Saturday matinee at the local movie theatre or invite us to his home to see Disney, children’s movies or sometimes TV shows with two of his sons, my nephews, one who is older than me and another one who is slightly younger than me.

I remember watching Don Knotts' movies and laughing so hard snuggled next to my brother. When I became an adult if I had the opportunity I watched them again, movies such as The Ghost and Mr. Chicken and The Apple Dumpling Gang and TV shows like the The Andy Griffith Show remembering the wonderful times I had with my brother. They always lifted my spirits if only just for a few hours.

One day I had the overwhelming desire to thank Mr. Knotts for the joy he brought into my life. Not only for the fun times watching his movies but also for the wonderful times I spent with my brother who was an adult living outside of the family home when I was born. Often young siblings never become close to their brothers or sisters that are much older than they are. In a small way Mr. Knotts added to the closeness I have with my brother still today.

Over and over again I had those thoughts of personally thanking Mr. Knotts but never knew how I could do that. I didn’t know where to find his address but also realized that he might have someone answering his correspondence for him and that he would never actually get my letter(s) of appreciation.

After hearing of his death I not only grieved for the loss of such a funny man who delighted so many people, including children, with his talents and gifts but also that I never told him how much I appreciated him for enriching my life.

Then Jeffrey Donovan came into my world during a time when I needed someone like him to be there. He brought a change to my life that I needed more than I even realized at the time that impacted my life then, now and will in the future. Even though we’ve never met or ever will, he has changed my life and enhanced it more than he will ever know.

As with most ardent fans I started finding out more about him then discovered he was on twitter. I started visiting twitter long before I actually signed up. I sat observing for some time before sending out my first tweet. Then one day I got the nerve to send Jeff a tweet. I was so nervous and frightened I would sound like a fool and embarrass myself by saying something wrong or silly.

I soon discovered that twitter was the answer to those prayers and wishes I had so long ago for Don Knotts. It was my avenue for thanking those who have enriched my life that I can never thank in person or through a letter that may never reach them.

Because of Jeff I have become a kinder more gentle person and more thankful than ever before for the small things in my life that I often took for granted. Because of this it has opened my heart and mind to new ideas to improve my life.

Not long ago I heard that I had the choice to be a curse or a blessing. I have decided to be the blessing and show my appreciation for the people who have come into my life.

I want to be the person that Jeff would want to be with. He like everyone else would prefer being around someone who is happy, positive, and without a chip on their shoulder.

So dear reader you have a choice; be a blessing or be a curse. I hope you choose to be the blessing in someone’s life whether you think they deserve it not.

Having a grateful heart brings such peace and happiness. I can’t imagine living without it.

The Changing Seasons

Throughout our life we will experience many changing seasons. Not only the changing of spring to summer to autumn to winter in the months of March, June, September and December but in many other aspects of our life as well.

We will have seasons with our families, friends, and acquaintances where we will experience the four seasons with them as well – sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly.

The circumstances that we experience also have seasons that will correlate with many of the conditions we also experience with the climate seasons. Sometimes a new circumstance will be much like a cold day in late March, other times it will be like a sunny day in May full of the fragrance of new flowers and the beauty of a blossoming apple tree. Other times it will be like summer where you wish it would never end.

But as with everything in nature eventually autumn and winter will come, sometimes too quickly and sometimes not quick enough.

Regardless of the season we are currently experiencing it is best to accept where we are now and know that we will get through it and eventually move on. This way we can enjoy whatever is happening at any given moment so that we do not have any regrets in the future.

Where we are now is not by accident. It is either from the decisions that we have made or others have made for us. Either way, it is an opportunity for us to love, grow, learn, and mature. Our attitude will either leave us with a pleasant or an unpleasant memory. It is up to us. By maintaining a positive attitude through the joys and disappoints that life brings, it makes the journey a wonderful experience.

My Rendition of Episode 702 from Scott Clement's Drawing

It was the second day of spring of 2013 that I found myself with my girlfriend, or rather my ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend Carlos Cruz in an abandoned office in one of Miami’s high-rise office buildings planning our next move.

Carlos, a bounty hunter, had spotted what he thought was a fugitive that had skipped bail not realizing it was one of Miami’s top drug warlords tied to the Russian mob; now his whole mob was out looking for Carlos. To make matters worse, the drug warlord recognized me as a spy from the time I spend overseas many years earlier. I had recently been assigned the task of locating this same individual since he was suspected of trading U.S. technological secrets for drugs throughout the Middle East. With tensions building in that region of the world, the last thing the U.S. government wanted was our technology secrets leaked.

If I could manage to successfully apprehend this individual not only would I be saving Fi’s life, but also calm the nerves of my new boss, Andrew Strong, who had reluctantly taken me as a new team member. He has been riding me hard and just maybe this would restore some confidence in my ability to be an asset to the agency once again.

The room only contained a small table with two office chairs. Fi sat at the table staring at the computer screen monitoring different locations throughout Miami. Fortunately, the power and phone system had not been turned off so we were able to set up shop. After Jesse hacked into Miami’s network of surveillance cameras we were able to locate a half dozen places to monitor the whereabouts of the mob members.

Carlos and I had just returned after having an altercation with one of the members leaving us each with a black eye. Once again an old cut had broken open from the punch sending my Bluetooth earpiece flying which left blood trickling down my cheek and into my mouth, but the good news was that mob member wouldn’t be rejoining his gang anytime soon. In fact, he would be visiting the morgue as soon as his body was discovered.

When we returned to the room Fi instantly assumed Carlos and I had duked it out with me trying to reclaim her as my girlfriend. Sadly, that wasn’t the case. By now I was used to this ‘on again off again’ relationship, as recently deceased Agent Jason Bly would have called it, with its ‘thorny relationship issues’. These thorny relationship issues now were more like barb-wire rather than a spiky rose branch.

Fi and I had been down this road once before. Last time she hooked up with Campbell, but that didn’t last long before he had to point out to her that I was her boyfriend. I knew it was just a matter of waiting it out until she realized she still had strong feelings towards me or this Carlos would figure it out for her. Then back into my arms she would come. In the meantime I would need to maintain a poker face while seeing them together. I could manage that as long as I stayed focused on the task at hand.

I stood starring at the board where I had been laying out various ideas wishing Sam was there instead of Carlos. Sam had rejoined Elsa after being released from Federal holding. Their relationship still remained strong, but tension existed between them due to Elsa’s concern that they had not yet seen the last of the C.I.A. interfering in their lives.

I had decided to leave Sam out of any future missions with the government. I was determined to go it alone this time and not involve my friends or family members. If the C.I.A. wanted me back that was all they were going to get was me, and not my team. My team had been through enough. If I was going to regain their trust once again I was going to have to let my friends lead a normal life once again, if they even knew what that was like.

I also secretly wished I was back at my loft restoring the interior after we had set it ablaze to get away from the clutches of the C.I.A. It was all I had left. My mom wanted me to move back home, but it had been decades and the memories from my past still lingered each time I saw my old bedroom. No I was an adult used to living on my own, and that would remain the case, at least until Fi decided to rejoin me.

The seventy-eight degree day with a slight breeze and bright blue skies dotted with large white clouds was the perfect weather to be working on the interior of the loft. Soon the hot humid days of summer would return making restoration more difficult. Maybe this time I will add air-conditioning to the joint just to satisfy Fi when she returned. I owed her that much.

The image of Carlos with his circular beard wouldn’t leave my thoughts. I often thought of those days overseas where I let my beard grow to blend into the area. But now was different, I was with the agency and needed to maintain a certain image to be taken seriously. Some men look regal with their beard, not me, I looked scruffy and laid-back, not the professional look I wanted to portray.

Returning to the question at hand I was reminded how much this Carlos annoyed me. He sat in the only remaining chair constantly talking. It was hard to concentrate. You’d think since I refused to look or answer him he would get the hint and just shut up. But no, if he wasn’t barking orders then he was telling us how to do our job. He was an amateur capturing Russian mob members, where Fi and I were the professionals. But I grit my teeth while trying to maintain a smile. I had been down this same road many times before.

“Michael, I think we have something here.” Fi pointed out.

Carlos jumped out of his chair almost knocking me over as we both approached the computer monitor to take a look.

After examining the activity on the screen we decided to make our move and exited the room to join Jesse on the other side of town.